Smiling

Day 3 and 4
I'm feeling pretty amazing right now. I'm already seeing the benefits of my decision and this diet. We go out to eat quite often. The boys' meals are not what I'd want them to eat. For three days straight we've eaten at home. They've eaten healthy meals, and Aaron has even asked to eat my vegetables! They had green beans, but Aaron was really interested in mine. So one night we actually had three different vegetables on the table.

Last night I felt like I got my emotions under control with my hunger. Unlike the night before when I was dreaming of the Doritos I was able to be okay with feeling hungry. It was a different feeling. I knew I was hungry, but there wasn't that desperation of wanting to run out in my underwear to get a cheeseburger! A negative I've found so far is that I'm having a hard time sleeping. Let me rephrase that, I'm having a hard time sleeping at NIGHT. Two nights before I woke up off and on through the night. Last night I just couldn't fall asleep. I ended up falling asleep reclined on our couch. I woke up to John Michael asking me a question at 6 A.M. I'm hoping tonight is better.

This morning (just like Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday) I fell asleep for a while on the couch. This diet has left me feeling weak at times and exhausted. Later today I got a burst of energy! I went upstairs to clean our bedroom while Ethan played in his room. Our room was BAD! I rather show you a before picture of myself in tight clothes than show a picture of our room. LOL We were on our way to an episode of Hoarders. Okay, it wasn't that bad... It felt so good to get that done!

Since Tuesday I've been hiding out in my house. I didn't think I'd leave the house until my surgery. Feeling so hungry and not wanting to look at food made me fear being around any food. I decided tonight I'd go out with Melissa M. to spend my Pier 1 gift card. She mentioned that she had an Applebee's gift card, and that we could go. Two days ago my reply would have been "Hell no!". Today I felt strong enough to handle eating vegetables instead of ordering a meal. Before I went John mentioned that I could cheat, and the doctors wouldn't know. I didn't appreciate that comment. I'm 100% committed to this. I know he was worried I'd have a hard time with it, and maybe he was giving me an out. I felt a moment of weakness. He said that I had been telling him about others from the Forum I read that they've cheated on their pre op diet. I don't work like that. I think if I ate a regular meal or ordered pizza I would have a super hard time going back to the diet. I've made a commitment and I will stick to it! I can report that I ate broccoli and zucchini with terriaki! I decided my 'cheat' would be diet coke. After the surgery I will not be drinking it.  Melissa felt bad ordering a meal, but I told her I was completely fine. I really was fine. All of the food that passed me and the burger she ate did not bother me! This is such an amazing feeling! As I type I'm hungry, but I don't feel anxious about it. I'll probably get a sugar free jello and drink water before I go to sleep. Being hungry may be what kept me awake the other night.

I look forward to having my surgery, and being able to tell myself I did it without ordering that pizza or making my mom's dip with Doritos on that second day! My sister sent a picture of something yummy the kids might like. I teased her and asked if she was trying to torture me. It did look good, but I was okay. After a while I can make it. I will only be eating a fourth of a cup of it, and that's fine! I have spent a lot of time on http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/ . It is a wonderful forum! There are people that share their success stories and fears. The forum has been a wonderful tool for me. I am more than excited for my future and the future of my family. I feel so lucky for all of the support I've received from friends and family. The 22nd of January will be here in no time!