That apple is DELICOUS!

I'm on day three of the two week diet. I slept a lot this morning. For some reason my sleep the past couple of days has been difficult. On a good note since January 8th the scale is down 7.2 pounds! I don't care if it is water weight or fat the scale is down, and I will never see those numbers again.

Last night I put myself in my room after we read to the boys and put them to bed. John brought an apple and sugar free jello up to me. I became super hungry after a while. I was handling it okay until I saw an animated bag of Doritos. At that point my brain went on an eating adventure! I started imagining the cheese powder on the Doritos, and my mom makes this yummy dip with cream cheese and salsa. I imagined scooping up a bunch of dip and bringing it to my mouth. During that fantasy a pizza commercial came on. I told John we needed to turn off the t.v. or I'd be jumping in the car in my t-shirt and panties to go to a drive thru. (hehe) He agreed it was past our bedtime. I fell asleep thinking of Doritos. Mind you, I am not a big chip eater. Yes, if I open a bag of Doritos I can eat quite a bit, but I'm okay as long as I don't open it. I don't even buy Doritos. So I was very hungry to be fantasizing about DORITOS. I woke up a lot during the night, but I wasn't having hungry pains. My headaches have been lingering since yesterday morning. I've heard you can get headaches the first few days. Ugh. I keep telling myself it will be totally worth it!

My insecurities are also front in my mind, and that's also a motivation to continue this diet. Monday Aaron and John Michael had swimming lessons. I find myself constantly worrying about how I look. If I could I'd be invisible right now. I walk past the front desk wondering if my coat is covering my stomach and if my sweater is covering my breasts. I walked by the mirror feeling negative about my looks. I find myself noticing there is someone behind me watching their kids, and I don't want to turn around because of the way I look. Yesterday I was sitting and watching the boys swim, I heard a voice I recognized (Wendy), but I didn't want to turn around, because I'm so fat. I look up to her, because she's so active. She's run marathons, teaches aerobics classes, and swims. I put my thoughts about myself in place of what I think she probably thinks of me. I know this is all unhealthy. When I look at someone overweight I don't think the thoughts I have about myself. If anyone has ever said or thought negative things about me, believe me I've said and thought a lot worse. Yes, this is still a work in progress. I am a work in progress.

I've also realized how much to appreciate my food when I don't get very much of it. ;-) My apples, grapes, and vegetables have never tasted so good! Each bite of the apple is so sweet and crisp.